By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
Rat X. Looked like a winner to me – with the X and all.
Even though I find myself not in Green Acres these days, it appears that I am still battling all forms of wildlife. I’m beginning to think it’s me.
First there was the telltale evidence of the wee rodent who apparently likes to eat the paper labels off the jars in the pantry. I can’t fathom that there’s any nutritional value in a diet comprised of paper; however, I am not a mouse and am unfamiliar with their dietary requirements.
Next, I found the indoor entrance of the unwelcome visitor, and Mr. Kaminski promptly sealed it – with duct tape. Now I ask you this: If the intruder consistently eats paper, what do you think the mighty mouse did to the duct tape? I believe we’re on the same page, porch sitters.
I quickly procured a large rock from outside and relocated it to cover the illicit entrance. Mr. Kaminski was not thrilled with the obtrusive obstacle, yet it was effective. That’s one for me; zero for Mr. Kaminski. I decided that if the mighty mouse could indeed move the boulder in his path, he deserved all the paper labels he could stomach, my treat.
Convinced I could handle this intrusive invader based on my current critter experiences out in Green Acres, I headed up to the Walmart with Lisa Ann in tow. There was no need for a professional critter killer. I am now a professional.
It’s pertinent to mention that Lisa Ann had me all agitated over the Hantavirus. She had me convinced that we would all succumb to the dreaded disease if I did not win my battle with the mighty mouse. I confess, the more she talked about the virus, the more I was feeling a bit symptomatic. I’m fairly certain it was psychosomatic.
Always one to err on the side of caution, I purchased rodent pellets at the Walmart. There were all sort of capture devices, which required imminent disposal. I was not looking for carcass capture; I was looking for a timely demise, preferably off premises.
I strategically placed the rodent pellets under the pantry as I knew this was the preferred target area. The very next day, evidence was present that the pesky predator had taken the bait. I felt validated. I did not think this through.
Within two days the ominous odor reared its ugly head. You know the one – the distinct scent of decomposition. Apparently securing the ingress and egress was not the best idea as the pesky pest then had to succumb to the poison inside as he could not escape. I mentioned I didn’t think this through.
I had to use my senses to locate the cadaver, which was more difficult as I was now donning a mask in an effort to not contract the Hantavirus. I finally threw caution to the wind and channeled my inner bloodhound. I found the randy rodent with my sniffer. It had climbed in an antique water vessel with a very tiny opening and perished. Of course, he died somewhere where I could not actually get to him, and I was not about to stick anything in that tiny hole, deadly disease and all.
I picked up the vessel and threw the entire thing in the garbage, antique or no antique. I held my breath the entire time and nearly passed out. I now see why the capture critter approach is the preferred method. At least you know where it is. See y’all next week – on the porch!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
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