By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
Me and my new BFF neighbor – a bovine buddy.
Now that I reside in rural Texas on a permanent basis, it has been brought to my attention that apparently, I am bilingual. Now I’ve always felt I had a significant grasp on the King’s English, but there’s an additional form of our beloved idiom that it seems I have mastered. This particular vernacular has a definite sense of place, and if you happen to hail from said lands, you understand it well.
I grew up between northern Louisiana and Houston, Texas. Yes, it was quite a dichotomy. Now northern Louisiana is akin to East Texas – piney woods, red dirt and heapin’ spoonfuls of Southern hospitality. Heapin’ is one of those words we’ll get around to shortly. The language there, much like throughout rural regions of Texas, is just different. Fortunately, I speak it as I find myself needing it these days.
For those of you who aspire to being bilingual in an effort to parlay with folks from Southern or rural areas, here’s a quick how to guide to get you started based on my personal experience and linguistic skills.
Britches: Why are your britches so big? Ann Smith regularly poses this question if I happen to walk into her office in a pair of pants she deems ill-fitting.
Fixin’ to: The action is imminent.
Dinner/Supper: Lunch is dinner – the meal consumed mid-day. Supper is dinner. Get it right or you’ll go hungry.
Reckon: Intent to do something.
How’s your momma and them? This is the official greeting and inquiry regarding your entire family – aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, kids. It leads with “momma,” because momma is typically the matriarch in Southern families, and it is a sign of respect. Don’t ever disrespect momma.
Yonder: A general direction.
Cattywampas: Indicating that something is amiss or messed up.
Livin’ in high cotton: Indicates wealth and prosperity.
That dog won’t hunt: Highly unlikely or not plausible.
How the cow ate the cabbage: A thorough and comprehensive explanation.
Drunker than Cooter Brown: This is akin to knee walkin’ drunk, which means one has consumed an excessive amount of alcohol rendering them unable to perform the simplest of tasks. I always heard growing up that the real Cooter Brown stayed drunk during the entire Civil War to avoid mandatory enlisting.
Heapin’: An excessive amount.
I’ve got a hitch in my get along: You’ve got an ailment slowing you down.
If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch: If you can’t effectively perform the task or chore at hand, don’t try.
I swany: My Mawmaw said this all the time. It’s the polite version of “I swear,” which she would never do or say. It’s an affirmation of shock and awe of what you are being told.
Great day: My Nanny said this all the time. Sometimes it was, “Great day in the morning!” Another exclamation of shock and awe, yet acceptance of what was being shared.
Bless your heart: My personal favorite. This phrase is all about the tone. It can be a heartfelt expression of sympathy, or it can be the polite Southern woman’s way of knocking someone down a peg – the ultimate insult if you will. I typically use it for the latter.
Speaking of the latter, my girlfriend Cee Cee brought me a gift yesterday – no special occasion, just being sweet, another Southern phrase and action. It was a tea towel. That’s a kitchen towel or dish rag for the students. It said, “I can go from Southern Belle to your worse nightmare faster than you can say Bless Your Heart.” She said she immediately thought of me, and yes, I absolutely hugged her neck lickety-split. That’s means an affectionate embrace, quickly, without hesitation. See y’all next week – on the porch!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
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